first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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