dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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