shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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