a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
