The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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