I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
