is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
