it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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