Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
