the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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