I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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