oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Randomize
