you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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