I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
