Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
