He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
