I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
