Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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