He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
