And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
