my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
