what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
