hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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