after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
