Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
