my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He passed out mid-signature
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
