Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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