beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't deserve a penis
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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