Sponge bath it is.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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