Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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