in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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