Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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