And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
