Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize