I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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