i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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