porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
