my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
