I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
