I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
