I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
