Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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