She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
