Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
