you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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