dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
