Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cannot find my penis.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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