Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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