why didn't you poke me back
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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