This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
