Me too!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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