Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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