i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
