rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
