I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
