Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
