Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
