you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
