I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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