why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
