I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
