I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
