Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We left the knife in your bed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
