Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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