I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize