Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
