I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
