she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
